Kitty Speaks - Rules for Dating
Melancholy, here are a few rules for dating you should write in that little black notebook you’re forever scribbling in, ones even those dating guides from the Thirties would recommend, the ones you like to collect. I know you secretly study those books, even if you pretend you don’t, because I know you’re not nearly as ironic or distanced or uncaring as you pretend to be. I know you care, Melancholy. I know you cared for me, and that it was hard for you to admit that you loved me, like I loved you, and that you were afraid of those feelings and that’s why you hurt me. Because you cared and you were afraid.
Actually, I have only rule for you. Oh, Melancholy—have you ever wondered how silly this all is? When I think about how much I loved you… It’s not a contest, Melancholy. Just because you hurt me first, and you did, you hurt me a lot, when you ran away and didn’t call or let me know what happened. Five days, Melancholy! You disappeared for five days! Did you ever think about what I might be going through?
You didn’t have to talk to me, if you were mad at me, you could’ve just let Harry know you were ok. Melancholy, I thought you were run over by a car, or murdered, or kidnapped, or that maybe, that maybe, you had gone ahead and done what you promised me you would never do, what I made you promise when I agreed to move in.
Here’s the rule: When a girl tells you she’s had a nice time after a date, and she tells you she hopes she can see you again soon, call her the next day, Melancholy. Call her, if not the next day, then the next week. It’s not a good idea to ignore her for three months, and then suddenly, one day, out of the blue, when she’s gotten over feeling hurt and wondering what she did wrong, ask her to dinner.
Did you expect me to say yes, Melancholy?
